The Weak End

It’s a summary, yall already know what it is, you know what it do. Let’s get into it.

At one point early on in Arsenal’s hilarious 3-1 loss at home to barely-escaped-relegation Aston Villa, the commentator commentated that match referee Phil Dowd had lost weight over the summer. That really happened, honest.

Hull City have a kit of black and yellow vertical stripes, and their mascot is a tiger. I think that’s GRRRRRRREAT! However, they’re managed by Steve Bruce. So it goes.

Frank Lampard missed a penalty, the one thing he could still reliably do well. Then he scored from a free kick though, so 2 year contract extension here we come! The universe is indifferent.

Coach Mineral Water’s first game was wildly successful. When Newcastle were already 2-0 down, Stephen Taylor thought it would be fun to reverse-clothesline Kun Aguero. And I’m sure it was–the man has a huge arm tattoo in Lord of the Rings elf language like a fucking stupid asshole–but the ref saw it and the Baggies were down to ten. City scored two more, and now sit top of the league. Oh yeah, and Jovetic didn’t even play. Title favorites? Yes. (I’m referring to Newcastle obviously.)

Moving across the body of saltwater, in Spain Barcelona SUBBED MESSI OUT 20 MINS EARLY OMG OMG OMG INCREDULOUS ANCELOTTI EYEBROW. They were up 6-0 by halftime.

Oh yeah Alan Shearer said some kinda racist stuff about new Swansea signing Wilfried Bony. Just your usual strength, pace, comparison to Drogba racism, but still. Come on.

Speaking of Bony, his hair is pretty great. However, #1 hairstyle in the English game is still our man Danny Welbeck straight up ROCKING that hi top fade. Oh yeah Welbz is super good now??? Jkjkjk he’s been really good since forever ago. RVP bogarted the praise in United’s comprehensive 4-1 win on Saturday but he’s dead to me, so DW for MOTWeekend! This year is make-or-break for Welbeck, I’m rooting for him to grip it on that other level. Don’t let them kill your vibe…