The second game of the Audi Cup was AC Milan against Bayern Munich, and boy was it fun to watch. A friendly, but among equals. It even felt friendly—like a bunch of friends having fun together. Let’s just say, hugs were had.
They tied at 1-1 and went to penalties, which Bayern won. In the 4th minute someone hoofed it to Ibra and he scored, played onside by a Van Buyten goof-up. Classic Ibra. Toni Kroos equalized for Bayern a bit after the half hour mark. Later in the game Kroos kicked a beautiful curling power shot but Abbiati managed to save it, the party pooper.
I’m digging Ibra’s new evil goatee. Not only does it remind me of this, but also gives me hope that he might start doing a Toshiro Mifune impression at any time.
Robben had to come off with an injury in the second half. Ribery spent the game texting in the stands with a goofy smile on his face, his ankle elevated and wrapped up.
Speaking of those two—the second they retire from soccer, Hollywood needs to cast them as Bond villains. Mario Gomez as well. They’re perfect. Just look at them.
So evil, right? Cantona and/or Gattuso also need to be cast as a semi-loyal old buddy who gets Bond out of a jam at the end of the first act. Then maybe he’ll get killed by the Big Bad, or show up at the denouement to collect Bond from the exploded burning wreckage of Remote Location X, chuckling as he realizes that Bond is totally getting it on with Bond Girl #Y. He’ll shake his head and make an “Oh James, you rascal” face. End credits. Sepp, you know Hollywood people right? Get to work, start bribing or something.
On a boring/“serious” analytical thinking note, Bayern deserved the win. They dictated the game. Their MVP was Schweinsteiger, while Milan’s was definitely Abbiati. You never ever want your keeper to be MVP. Overall the best player was Schweinsteiger by far. For most of the game, he was running shit. I remember in last summer’s World Cup quarterfinal, the central midfielder received a pass on the edge of Argentina’s penalty area, paused for a few very long seconds, and passed forward to Lahm, who was making an overlapping run. No Argentine came within five yards of him the whole time, so cowed were the albicelestes. Granted, Germany were 3-0 up with only about ten minutes left in the game. But still, it was impressive. Martin Tyler narrated the moment, saying only “Schweinsteiger: The Boss.” It was one of my all-time favorite commentating turns of phrase, and the perfect nickname for him. He is a midfield boss, in the manner of household names like Zidane, Scholes, Pirlo, Keane, Bremner, Xavi, and Beckenbauer in his later years.
Milan doesn’t have a midfield boss anymore and it showed—they had no center, no reference point. Miss you Pirlo.
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The Vuvuzela Stylings of Toblerone Jones 